thomas 🍌

@perfectsweeties · 26 he/him chicago · joined 04 Nov 2013

i am not smart

51 923Followers

761Following

7 165Posts total

6.3MViews on collected posts

Derniers posts

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties15 Aug 2024

love that they lock up condoms at all stores now. like hey man can you use your little key over here. thanks bro. is it cool with you if i might have sex tonight 10.2K views · 312 likes · 21 reposts · 3 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties16 Apr 2024

@perfectsweeties True. My last dog's prescriptions were labeled Falcon "Smith". At first I got them from local pharmacies, and I would have to sign for them and give his DOB every time, for privacy reasons. I thought, he poops in public, so I don't think it's a concern, but wh 34.5K views · 362 likes · 5 reposts · 3 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties15 Apr 2024

@perfectsweeties @PleaseBeGneiss I'm a vet assistant and I personally find it hilarious when we get names like Miss Floofy Benson (fake names) or Bilbo Waggins Davis. We also like calling full names in the lobby. "Mister SpongeBob Fuzzy Pants?" It's great! 26.2K views · 553 likes · 8 reposts · 15 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties15 Apr 2024

@perfectsweeties when i got pet insurance i was mailed a copy so i got formally addressed insurance branded paperwork addressed to tomato soup. i still wonder what the mailman was thinking when they got to my apartment 184.1K views · 6.6K likes · 70 reposts · 5 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties15 Apr 2024

just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams 5.6M views · 117.6K likes · 6.9K reposts · 312 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties15 Mar 2024

@perfectsweeties Imagine the waiter's face when a whale rocks up and orders krill à la carte, then insists on seeing the sommelier to pair it with the finest plankton. "And do make sure they're evenly seasoned; I'm watching my ocean salt intake. 5.1K views · 49 likes · 0 reposts · 0 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties14 Mar 2024

be pissed if i were a whale. tf do you mean i’m the size of a school bus and my diet consists of tiny shrimp. at a restaurant like i’ll have the krill. yes please 3 million of them 453.3K views · 23.7K likes · 1.2K reposts · 8 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties12 Mar 2024

resting facial expression of a dog that’s just been kicked https://t.co/29pmJbTXzD

11.5K views · 97 likes · 0 reposts · 6 replies Open on X →

thomas 🍌@perfectsweeties19 Sep 2022

i’ve been taking some notes https://t.co/AHRF8OO8zf

0 views · 446.5K likes · 53.4K reposts · 1.1K replies Open on X →

Growth & engagement

How the posts we collected actually performed: views and reaction rate post by post, what the audience did with them, and where the follower count goes.

Views per post

11.5K12 Mar

453.3K14 Mar

5.1K15 Mar

5.6M15 Apr

184.1K

26.2K

34.5K16 Apr

10.2K15 Aug

Last 8 collected posts, oldest on the left. The scale is logarithmic: one post can outrun the rest a hundred times over.

Engagement rate per post

0.90%12 Mar

5.51%14 Mar

0.98%15 Mar

2.25%15 Apr

3.61%

2.21%

1.07%16 Apr

3.28%15 Aug

Reactions — likes, reposts, replies and quotes — divided by views.

What the audience does

Likes91.5%149 206 in total

Reposts5.1%8 295 in total

Replies0.2%352 in total

Quotes0.9%1 480 in total

Bookmarks2.3%3 679 in total

Share of every reaction we collected for this account. Replies mean argument, reposts mean endorsement, bookmarks mean the post was worth keeping.

The follower curve appears once this account has two daily snapshots — we take one a day, and this one is on its first.

Derniers posts

Growth & engagement

Views per post

Engagement rate per post

What the audience does

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