thomas 🍌
@perfectsweeties · 26 he/him chicago · joined 04 Nov 2013
i am not smart
51 923Followers
761Following
7 165Posts total
6.3MViews on collected posts
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love that they lock up condoms at all stores now. like hey man can you use your little key over here. thanks bro. is it cool with you if i might have sex tonight
10.2K views · 312 likes
· 21 reposts · 3 replies
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@perfectsweeties True. My last dog's prescriptions were labeled Falcon "Smith".
At first I got them from local pharmacies, and I would have to sign for them and give his DOB every time, for privacy reasons.
I thought, he poops in public, so I don't think it's a concern, but wh
34.5K views · 362 likes
· 5 reposts · 3 replies
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@perfectsweeties @PleaseBeGneiss I'm a vet assistant and I personally find it hilarious when we get names like Miss Floofy Benson (fake names) or Bilbo Waggins Davis. We also like calling full names in the lobby. "Mister SpongeBob Fuzzy Pants?" It's great!
26.2K views · 553 likes
· 8 reposts · 15 replies
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@perfectsweeties when i got pet insurance i was mailed a copy so i got formally addressed insurance branded paperwork addressed to tomato soup. i still wonder what the mailman was thinking when they got to my apartment
184.1K views · 6.6K likes
· 70 reposts · 5 replies
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just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams
5.6M views · 117.6K likes
· 6.9K reposts · 312 replies
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@perfectsweeties Imagine the waiter's face when a whale rocks up and orders krill à la carte, then insists on seeing the sommelier to pair it with the finest plankton. "And do make sure they're evenly seasoned; I'm watching my ocean salt intake.
5.1K views · 49 likes
· 0 reposts · 0 replies
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be pissed if i were a whale. tf do you mean i’m the size of a school bus and my diet consists of tiny shrimp. at a restaurant like i’ll have the krill. yes please 3 million of them
453.3K views · 23.7K likes
· 1.2K reposts · 8 replies
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resting facial expression of a dog that’s just been kicked https://t.co/29pmJbTXzD
11.5K views · 97 likes
· 0 reposts · 6 replies
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i’ve been taking some notes https://t.co/AHRF8OO8zf
0 views · 446.5K likes
· 53.4K reposts · 1.1K replies
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Growth & engagement
How the posts we collected actually performed: views and reaction rate post by post, what the audience did with them, and where the follower count goes.
Views per post
11.5K12 Mar
453.3K14 Mar
5.1K15 Mar
5.6M15 Apr
184.1K
26.2K
34.5K16 Apr
10.2K15 Aug
Last 8 collected posts, oldest on the left. The scale is logarithmic: one post can outrun the rest a hundred times over.
Engagement rate per post
0.90%12 Mar
5.51%14 Mar
0.98%15 Mar
2.25%15 Apr
3.61%
2.21%
1.07%16 Apr
3.28%15 Aug
Reactions — likes, reposts, replies and quotes — divided by views.
What the audience does
Likes91.5%149 206 in total
Reposts5.1%8 295 in total
Replies0.2%352 in total
Quotes0.9%1 480 in total
Bookmarks2.3%3 679 in total
Share of every reaction we collected for this account. Replies mean argument, reposts mean endorsement, bookmarks mean the post was worth keeping.
The follower curve appears once this account has two daily snapshots — we take one a day, and this one is on its first.
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Frequently asked questions about @perfectsweeties
How many followers does @perfectsweeties have?
51 923 followers.
How many posts has @perfectsweeties published?
7 165 posts.
How do posts by @perfectsweeties perform?
Collected posts: 9. Views: 6 344 330. Likes: 595 745.